Ups and downs
Today seems to be a down day.
I made the mistake of picking up Dies the Fire, one of Christina's favorites. I haven't read the third one; I happened to peek and there's an... event in there I want to pretend doesn't happen. I know, it's fiction and none of it actually happens, but bear with me.
It's like in the Little House books. When you finish the Laura series, she and Manly are married and have Rose. Yes, they've lost the baby boy, but everyone else is still around. Somewhere in the Rose series, though, Pa dies. I don't like that. I like to imagine Ma and Pa are still farming out there in the little growing town of Silver Lake, while Mary is off at the college for the blind.
My dad didn't like reading fiction because when the book was over, he felt like he'd lost a friend. I suppose I get that from him. I like the idea of folks going on even if we aren't privy to their lives anymore. I still miss Andy Sipowicz, for the record.
Last month was rough, first with the death of Christina and then the miscarriage. I could hide from Chris because I was so distracted by what was going on internally but now that mask is gone.
I don't mean to rehash everything. I'll post again on an up day, probably tomorrow. We have library time, the tour of the surgery center for The Boy (his big day is St. Valentine's Day), and swim class. At least we'll be busy!
2 Comments:
Heather, it is OK to have down days. Don't feel like you owe it to anyone, NOT to....
Extra prayers coming from me to you tonight, that the Lord will comfort you in your grief.
I know exactly what you mean about the books, both fiction and nonfiction. I have the same reaction to the Little House books that you described (and to the Chronicles of Narnia, in the realm of fiction). For me that reaction is one of the signs of a really good book.
I remember reading one of the Rose books - I think On the Way Home - and feeling, for lack of a better word, guilty on behalf of Rose, when she tells Laura that Manly managed to sell the wagon. (He's crestfallen because he wanted to surprise Laura. Remember?) But the up side of that is that when they're happy (as they so often are in the books), I really feel it too. And I can always pick up the books again, which helps for some odd reason.
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