Domestic Bliss Report

Motherhood is hard work. If we don't stick together, we'll all fall apart.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Making new friends as an adult is hard.

It's possible; I've done it, but it's not like when you're young. When you're a kid, all it takes is a similar interest in the slide. Easy. Even in college, it can simply be the same dorm floor assignment.

But when you're a mom, and you look for things you have in common, you don't know where the land mines are. While adults have opinions on things, some are more easygoing about differences thereof. Other folks can get into a spitting rage on some issues. Like these:
1. Natural versus medicated childbirth
2. Scheduled caesarean versus old-fashioned surprise
3. Breast versus bottle
4. Crying it out versus immediate response
5. Spanking or not
6. Disposable versus cloth
7. Immunizations or not
8. TV: Harmless entertainment, useful tool in controlled amounts, evil mental & moral sewage?

And those are only in the first year or so of motherhood.
You don't know if that nice woman you meet at the park could be a friend; your kids certainly seem to hit it off. Your sons are even wearing the same outfit! Then a child misbehaves, she calls hers over and lights into the poor kid using terms you don't say even after your kids are in bed. Yeesh. Oops. You suddenly remember you need milk right now.
Then you stumble on to someone's blog, pretty much following links from your comments boxes, who plays classical music for her kids. Reads them good books. Limits their TV, both what and how much. Geography says you'll probably never meet in person, and the circumstances are a little peculiar (don't ask for details--she knows), but if you're sure if you should meet anonymously at the park you'd get along really well. And those issues 1-9 don't really matter so much anymore.
While motherhood can bring to light major differences in opinion, it also bridges a lot of boundaries. My sister and I are as different as chalk and cheese, but her advice of, "You don't get to choose what your kid needs therapy for" has gotten me through more than one rough spot. As mothers, we all universally want what's best for our child (or children). That much is easy to have in common.

I guess this is just a belated Happy Mothers' Day thanks to all of the other mothers out there who have supported me to be the best mother I can, those that I've met in the past six years or so. Naming names would take too long and I know I'd leave someone out.



At 8:01 AM, Blogger Milehimama said...

Oh, you forgot the new controversy:
Plastic toys vs. wooden.

I sold toys for a living, and a mom actually told me:
" I don't let my children play with petroleum products".

Yes. Really.

Mama Says

At 8:26 AM, Blogger Heather said...

Eek. Did you say, "Good luck with that"?
I'm not a big advocate of battery-operated toys, but no plastic at all? Wow.

I did hear that the kind of plastic used to make Barbie emits toxic substances, though. Like I need any more reason to keep her out of the house!

At 12:23 PM, Blogger Daisy said...

Ugh. The toy thing. A HUGE landmine in my families. My sister, eloquent as ever, actually suggested that I use Barney to teach Echo to share better. UGH. And then there are the insinuations that if my daughters don't play with Barbie they'll be deprived and grow up to be weird. I always want to say, "look at her parents! That ship has sailed!"

And I could never give up my petroleum products. Legos still captivate my husband.

At 2:45 AM, Blogger Zach said...

Ah, the great toy controversy!

As for the Freys:

1. Wood is good.

2. Plastic is evil.

3. If we wanted that much product advertising, we'd leave the TV on 24x7 like everyone else.

4. DEATH TO DER BLINKENLIGHTS UND DER BLEEPENCLANGEN!!!! (ahem) I mean, battery-powered toys are found non-optimal.

Of course, since you've seen the kids's collection of swag, I need to admit that these are more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.


At 8:18 AM, Blogger Terry said...

Birth has other sub-categories as well: midwife/doctor and home/hospital/birthing center

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Terry said...

Oh, and then there's the big "c" word if it's a boy. I've seen that spark debate as well.

At 9:26 AM, Blogger Heather said...

Wooden toys are great, and battery toys are evil, and I even understand the brand-name avoidance, but...

No Legos? What about dress-up clothes with plastic shoes? Pretend doctor or tool kits? A sit-and-spin? Without batteries, of course.

What about Tupperware? Sippy cups? Do they wear polyester?

Down that road lay madness, IMHO.

At 7:56 PM, Anonymous The Other Heather said...

Let's not forget the debate of all motherhood debates....working versus stay at home moms and also the day care debate.

I find it so strange the women that assume because I stay home and have exceeded the required replacement quota, that I HAVE MONEY!!!!! Ha, ha, ha no, I'm just really learning and practicing the importance of frugality.

Happy, fertile, and expecting number 5 -
The Other Heather

At 5:55 AM, Blogger Zach said...

No Legos? What about dress-up clothes with plastic shoes? Pretend doctor or tool kits? A sit-and-spin? Without batteries, of course.

Legos win over the inherent evil of plastic by being Too Cool and by virtue of being creative/self-directed. K'Nex, too.

What about Tupperware? Sippy cups?

Got all those, although I'll admit to exploring alternatives. We're using a touch more glass storage these days.

Sippy cups are another matter - hard to beat that durability. But we're out of that phase now anyway.

Do they wear polyester?

Does anyone? :)

Down that road lay madness, IMHO.

[twitch] I don't understand. [twitch] And your point? [insert crazed cackle here] ;)

Besides, like I said, the Code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.


At 8:46 AM, Blogger Milehimama said...

I'm wondering what they're going to do when the children reach computer age. Have you ever seen a glass keyboard???

Making friends as an adult is hard. I just found out that my non-verbal communication may be hampering my "meet new people" strategy after I managed to offend TWO people at Barnes and Noble who were watching Rudy Guiliani explain his abortion stance. (They have a TV in the magazine section).

What, I didn't say anything!

Perhaps that's why I have so many online friends now.


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