Domestic Bliss Report

Motherhood is hard work. If we don't stick together, we'll all fall apart.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

"But I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

This is going to be a meandering post because I've got a lot on my mind.
We're trying to discern if it's time for another child. I'll say it now--we weren't actively trying for Edmund, but we did knowingly "jump the gun." I've been ready to try since August and deliberately made myself difficult to resist--ladies, you know what I mean. Not impossible, as I didn't want to seduce myself into another child exactly, but I certainly made it difficult for him.
His reasons for putting the next one off were (and are?) worthwhile. He starts with "Where will the child sleep?" and goes from there.
Then we found out we'd conceived. My joy was tempered only by anticipated regret on his part; when that didn't happen, I went into full-glow mode. For about five days. Until...
Anyway, the theory is a new baby will help in the healing process. Our son really wants a brother--to see him playing with a 14-month-old little boy at the pool on Wednesday made me tear up. But my husband's reasons still apply. We needed a bigger house at least one child ago, arguably two. If we have another, will we ever be able to move? If so, how soon?
I'm 35--that magical age of More Prenatal Screenings. Add to that Melanie's news, hardly encouragement to wait (she could use prayers, those who don't regularly read her blog).
There's a little bit of me convinced to wait just a few more months so as to avoid a Christmas birth (everyone knows someone "cheated" by being born close to Christmas), then I think of Lily--due in February and born in November. Just a few months will give us time to get our house on the market, though.
And frankly, selfishly, part of me just wants to know something good is going on in my world and a new baby would sure do that.
There is that still little voice that only comes when it's quiet: "But where is your faith, that I can provide you with what you need?"
I know people around the world do a lot more with a lot less. One woman in Meijer told me of her family of 11 kids in a two-room house somewhere in Eastern Europe, for one example. An example of one of my sister's rare words of wisdom comes to mind as well: "You don't get to choose what your kids need therapy for." Will they be miserable from being crowded together, or from being lonely? I don't expect you, Readers, to come up with any answers. Just prayers.
I realize a burning bush is a bit much to ask, but it would be really nice if He spelled things out a touch more clearly once in a while.

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5 Comments:

At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Kheldar said...

We keep telling you our neighbor's house is still up for sale. ;)

Anyhow, 35 would be a bigger deal if you hadn't had kids before....that acts in your favor.

We'll pray for you. God's guidance will surely come.

 
At 6:01 AM, Blogger Valerie said...

I'll pray for you. I feel myself in a somewhat similar situation, though it has been six months since we lost Jerome. He came to us unexpectedly and we lost him the same way. Most of our six kids would like another sibling to join us. I keep feeling that little tug on my heart when I see a baby. I've prayed to God to let me know His will by sending it through my husband. :-)

Then there are all the "what ifs", many of which seem terribly selfish when seen in print and totally not trusting in Our Heavenly Father. I'm 38. I just lost a friend my age who was expecting her 7th and that, frankly, has me a little spooked.

All this is saying is you're not alone. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger Melanie said...

Heather,

You are in my prayers.

 
At 9:31 PM, Anonymous Heather said...

Heather, I'll say the same thing I said this morning at church - what is God tellig you to do? All you have to do is what He wants. You're right in your post about being faithful. Trust me, I'm living proof of that with regards to Lily. If you're faithful to Him, He will be faithful to you.

Heather

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Zach said...

Heather,

I don't pretend to know the Divine Will for you and yours ... but as far as I'm concerned, I like your kids a lot. So, may your clan increase! :)

(Easy for me to say -- you'll have the cramped house and the worries. Entirely selfish on my part.)

peace,

 

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