Sometimes I'm really, really bad.

Not "eat a whole cake" bad. Bad-wife-and-mother bad.

I will throw my beloved husband's clean clothes--that *I* washed, dried, and carried up in the hamper--right on the floor. Why? To beat him to it. If I leave them on the bed, hoping he'll take the time and initiative to put them away, he will simply shift them from the bed to the floor. Why did I put them on the bed in the first place? Because I have at least three other people's laundry to put away--Elizabeth's, Tommy's, and my own. I still have to sort and fold Lou's, then hand him each pile with specific instructions: "Put this in your pants drawer." I assume my loving, otherwise-attentive, intelligent husband will respect my time and energy and put his own clothes away.

I will not clean up after my older kids. I will let their rooms get almost dangerously impassable in their floor clutter of laundry, books, toys, and various other items before I harangue them to clean it up. I will not remind them to bring down their laundry for weeks, until they run out of weather-appropriate clothes. Then I will leave them to stew in their frostbite or sunstroke, waiting for the realization of "Maybe if I put my clothes where Mom will wash them, I wouldn't suffer like this." It doesn't happen.

It's a good thing they obey the rule of "No food in the bedrooms" or we'd have more ants than an African tree up there.

Right now there is a shirt with pasta sauce on it on the floor of the girls' room, along with the past 3 days' worth of socks, underwear, and other apparel. The shirt went there at the end of lunch today. I'm debating letting it stay until one of the following: a) it starts to stink, b) she notices, c) it comes down on its own. It probably won't get that far but that's where I am today.

I leave their clothes on the floor of the bathroom until it has more than their closet. They will stay there even when the perpetrator has to dig through them to get the shoes on the bottom of the pile. Nowhere will it cross the child's mind to get rid of the pile, nor will the child who tidies the bathroom address it.

Why? This is the really hard part. They don't see it. Well, yes, their eyes take them in, but those things don't register. They really don't.

I remember the commercial where there was a laundry basket floating down a flight of stairs, a broom whisking across a floor by itself, that kind of thing. The idea was the person (mother) doing those tasks was invisible. Sometimes I feel silent too, for as often as my words are ignored. It doesn't matter if I'm answering a question, either. I may as well be just moving my lips.

I just had to get that rant out of my system. Thomas needs to be fed.

At least *he* appreciates what I do.

Thoughts on socialization and homeschooling

Recently I've had a couple conversations with non-homeschoolers, two of which touched on that tired old bugaboo of "socialization." In three years and change, I've used up my patience with that topic and I let the Sarcasmotron come on. If I think too much about it, I'll fear what I'll be like in a few more years. Maybe I'll just breathe fire. Or laugh uproariously; fewer lawsuits that way.

To the first, I managed to be somewhat polite. "How many times did you hear at school that you're there to learn, not socialize?" As we were chatting online, I couldn't actually hear him chuckle but he admitted I has a point.

The second time was a touch different, though still chatting online. After asking about the possibility of scholarships--a reasonable and valid concern, after all--I was asked, "How do they learn social skills?"
I was more tired. I started a politely worded reply, but scratched it. Out came, "I'm not sure. I'm so busy running them to two different soccer teams, dance class (well, two are in Musical Theater this year), art class, American Heritage Girls, Vacation Bible School, flag football, park days and play dates that I really don't have time to worry about it."
That dropped the topic but I believe he got my point.

Most recently of all, I was talking with another soccer mom about homeschooling. While her kids attend public school, she's very understanding of the idea of homeschooling. I showed her some of the catalogs of materials available and she was very impressed.
"Most parents don't realize that they need to supplement their kids' education. They aren't getting everything they need at school; you HAVE to supplement," she said.
I'm going to ask her how much she's supplementing and doing homework with her kids. If she's already feeling like she needs to do that, why is she sending her kids to school? At least she's not paying twice for their education by sending them to private school, but still. That's one of the reasons I started down this road--I knew there would be things I wanted my kids to know and they wouldn't learn them at school (religion mostly, but there was more).

I'll let you know how this turns out.

UPDATE 8/25/09: A sincere thank you, Amy, for another response. "So appropriate socialization is spending 8 hours or more a day with children within the same year of age doing exactly the same thing, according to the instructions of a lone adult in the room? Sounds... odd."

Let's try this fisking thing.

Over at Mama Says, she has her commentary on this article. I'm going to try my hand at my beloved husband's practice and fisk it. I don't know that it's as good as his, but it's an honest try.

The case against homeschooling
By JESSE SCACCIA
Homeschooling: great for self-aggrandizing, society-phobic mother…… but not quite so good for the kid.
Already a judgment. Any research to back that preconceived notion up?

Here are my top ten reasons why homeschooling parents are doing the wrong thing:
10. “You were totally home schooled” is an insult college kids use when mocking the geeky kid in the dorm (whether or not the offender was home schooled or not). And… say what you will… but it doesn’t feel nice to be considered an outsider, a natural outcropping of being homeschooled.
So being called "homeschooled" is an insult. Doesn't that indicate a destructively intolerant attitude? "Gay" is also considered an insult despite PSAs to combat it. Rather than stop the practice of homeschooling, we should work on the ignorance of those who hold such condemnatory viewpoints. Maybe we need nationally recognized Homeschool Awareness Month or Homeschool Pride marches.

9. Call me old-fashioned, but a students’ classroom shouldn’t also be where they eat Fruit Loops and meat loaf (not at the same time I hope). It also shouldn’t be where the family gathers to watch American Idol or to play Wii. Students–from little ones to teens–deserve a learning-focused place to study. In modern society, we call them schools.
Gee. Should we outlaw birthday cupcakes and snacks in schools too? Back in my elementary school, we ate lunch in the classroom. Really. Not to mention that he presumes the watching of American Idol (we don't) and Wii ownership (though we're thinking about that).
Where does he think public school kids do their homework, anyway? It's either at the forbidden kitchen table or in their bedroom, where they probably have a TV, stereo, their bed, et cetera.
Not only that, I can think of a couple families who DO have schoolrooms set aside in their homes.

8. Homeschooling is selfish. According to this article in USA Today, students who get homeschooled are increasingly from wealthy and well-educated families. To take these (I’m assuming) high achieving students out of our schools is a disservice to our less fortunate public school kids. Poorer students with less literate parents are more reliant on peer support and motivation, and they greatly benefit from the focus and commitment of their richer and higher achieving classmates.
So he's jealous that homeschooling parents keep their educated, well-behaved kids at home out of public school? While his argument has apparent merit, the more likely scenario is those good homeschooled kids after spending 7-8 hours a day with them will start to act more like their poorly motivated peers.

7. God hates homeschooling. The study, done by the National Center for Education Statistics, notes that the most common reason parents gave as the most important was a desire to provide religious or moral instruction. To the homeschooling Believers out there, didn’t God say “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations”? Didn’t he command, “Ye shall be witnesses unto me”? From my side, to take your faithful children out of schools is to miss an opportunity to spread the grace, power and beauty of the Lord to the common people. (Personally I’m agnostic, but I’m just saying…)
While his Bible cherry-picking is an argument used by many Christians, it's also a rephrased version of #8. In response, I ask a question: exactly how informed in their faith does he imagine most kindergarteners are? Or third-graders? Has he seen the anti-Christian rhetoric spewed in some of our schools? Or the pro-multiculturalism where one faith is just as good as another so they're all screwy? How are parents supposed to unteach in a few hours--between arriving home and bedtime--what their children are exposed to for eight?
I suppose I should be grateful he doesn't spout Richard Dawkins and try to argue religious education is child abuse.

6. Homeschooling parent/teachers are arrogant to the point of lunacy. For real! My qualifications to teach English include a double major in English and education, two master’s degrees (education and journalism), a student teaching semester and multiple internship terms, real world experience as a writer, and years in the classroom dealing with different learning styles. So, first of all, homeschooling parent, you think you can teach English as well as me?
As a matter of fact, I think I can teach English better than you can. I recognize the subjective versus the objective use.
Well, maybe you can. I’ll give you that. But there’s no way that you can teach English as well as me, and biology as well as a trained professional, and history… and Spanish… and art… and counsel for college as well as a school’s guidance counselor… and… and…
Maybe true for most of that but I have the Timmy Turner defense: "Internet." Not to mention the public library, the zoo, the local art museum, the local science center, and... and... And we get to go to these places as often as we like when the public schools are in session teaching cooperative learning and fuzzy math.
One last thing on that topic: I really hope I can do a better job of guiding my children to college better than my own guidance counselor did. I can think of no other school staff member so frequently parodied as a guidance counselor. I know ONE who was worth her weight, and I'll bet she'll tell you the same.

5. As a teacher, homeschooling kind of pisses me off. (That’s good enough for #5.)
Your ignorant attitude does the same to me. So there.

4. Homeschooling could breed intolerance, and maybe even racism. Unless the student is being homeschooled at the MTV Real World house, (I wouldn't want to visit there, let alone subject my kids to such an environment) there’s probably only one race/sexuality/background in the room. How can a young person learn to appreciate other cultures if he or she doesn’t live among them?
This is where I get to go all papistical on you. There are Catholic saints from every continent and every ethnic background, going back to St. Augustine of Hippo at least. St. Martin de Porres, St. Charles Lwanga, Blessed Kateri Takakwitha... That's a start. Not to mention the regular visits to all of those places I mentioned back in #6, unless you think we only go to the zoo on Catholic Homeschoolers Day.

3. And don’t give me this “they still participate in activities with public school kids” garbage. Socialization in our grand multi-cultural experiment we call America is a process that takes more than an hour a day, a few times a week. So how much Spanish do they get in your class? Or art? Or gym? Homeschooling, undoubtedly, leaves the child unprepared socially.
Yes, during the waking hours they're not at the dreaded kitchen table, they're trapped in their closet. They aren't going with me to the grocery store, buying things on their own, working at local charities, going to Park Days where the ten-year-old pushes the four-year-old on the swing, or groups of kids from 14 months to 11 years celebrate a St. Patrick's Day party, or any of the other multitude of activities they're involved in. Unlike your peer-socialized public school kids who only play with kids in their grade, they function with a variety of ages.

2. Homeschooling parents are arrogant, Part 2. According to Henry Cate, who runs the Why Homeschool blog, many highly educated, high-income parents are “probably people who are a little bit more comfortable in taking risks” in choosing a college or line of work. “The attributes that facilitate that might also facilitate them being more comfortable with home-schooling.”
More comfortable taking risks with their child’s education? Gamble on, I don’t know, the Superbowl, not your child’s future.
Oh, and every curriculum decision made in public school committees is a sure thing. Same with district-wide discipline/classroom management procedures; they're all a given. That's why new ones are adopted every 3-5 years.
Oh, and we don't see homeschooling as a gamble. We see it as a sure bet.

1. And finally… have you met someone homeschooled? Not to hate, but they do tend to be pretty geeky***.
And Heaven knows, there are no geeks at all in the public schools. Well, not in the hallways. They're all stuffed in trash cans or lockers.

*** Please see the comments for thoughts on the word ‘geeky.’ But, in general, to be geeky connotes a certain inability to integrate and communicate in diverse social situations. Which, I would argue, is a likely result of being educated in an environment without peers. It’s hard to get by in such a diverse world as ours! And the more people you can hang out with the more likely you are to succeed, both in work life and real life.
This in italics may be the only sentence with which I agree. Let me refer you, though, to my comments on #3 above.

One last note, to those homeschooling parents out there: it’s clear from the number and passion of your responses that TeacherRevised is missing an important voice in the teaching community. If any of you are interesting in writing for us, send me an email: jessescaccia@gmail.com. I would love to have you as part of our conversation.
Sure you would.

I feel sorry for Ron Howard.

He's just trying to make a movie. He had to secretly send in folks from the crew pretending to be tourists to get pictures of the Sistine Chapel so he could make a set; those mean controlling closed-minded Vatican officials wouldn't let him film within its walls! You'd think there really is a conspiracy they're trying to hide!

After all, there are no books of photographs of Rome. Or the artwork in the Vatican, and they're more protective than the Amish when it comes to images of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. And the skyline of Rome is more closely guarded film than the Zapruder. For sure, there are no websites his staff could have checked. Instead they had to rely on grainy unfocused pictures clandestinely taken with camera phones or the like.

Hm. I guess they didn't have Internet classes in Mayberry.